Communication is All about Listening! #SAVMP 19

     Week 19 of the #SAVMP Project is about “communication essentials”, and I think most people will take the spin to write about how they're using social media to communicate. I decided to use a different twist for this assignment. I would have to say the greatest communication essential is the art of listening, and I have tried to develop better listening skills over the years. It has been a personal goal of mine to increase my listening capacity and, of course, I am still growing.  I take some solace in that I do believe I have shown improvement in this area. I am often trying to listen for longer than I speak.

     I consider myself a student of leadership, and many times over the years I have observed my Principals. When you are seated before them in the Principal’s office, I can recall having worked for different leaders who, when you would go into speak with them, they would turn away from you and begin working on their computer or clicking through emails. I would describe that feeling as feeling devalued as a human. I felt like they didn't care what I had to say or they were too busy to give me the time I sought from them.

     To be fair, though out the day, I have people who want to pop in my office. There have been times when I might be very, very busy, and their brief visit may keep me from leaving at closing time. BUT… no matter how long it delays my workday, I always keep my door open, and I always turn a watchful eye to my visitors. I sit and listen to what people have to say; it is part of leading. I want to develop the relationships with people.  It is sometimes difficult for me to stop and listen because I am so task oriented. It has been tough for me to develop this skill, but each year I get better and better at it.

     The benefits of listening outweigh the costs. I think the most important thing I gain from listening is that I begin to understand the people that make up our workforce, and they are most definitely people with human needs. For example, if someone is late to work two or three times, and this is not typical behavior, you cannot just attack that behavior. If you listen first and try to understand…you may learn that perhaps they have been late because they are having a rough time, or they are going through a divorce, or they are a single mom and they have got a sick child they are tending to… there so many factors that make up the human condition. You have to value the whole person.

     Let’s be honest.  I'm a really strong employee. Bosses have always loved me because I give my job 110%. But, even I have the need for a reprieve from exemplary work. Being full-on every single day can be exhausting. There are some days that my friend calls “needs improvement days.” AND… we all experience a needs improvement day every once in a while.  SO…. when someone misses a deadline or has a rough week or something just seems off about their performance, it really is very valuable to understand the person and that helps you to support them. Further, when your work relationship is grounded on trust and listening, it is easier to help folks grow through feedback….because they are ALSO willing to listen.

     One of the best books I've ever read that has helped me and shaped me as a leader was Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. One of Covey’s Habits is to “seek to understand first.” He describes communication as the most important skill in life. Typically, people spend years learning how to read and write and even learning how to speak. However, how much training do we have learning to listen? What training have you had that enables you to listen-- to really deeply understand another human being? We don't have a lot of training in listening. The way most people operate is that they seek first to be understood. Many people are only listening to you so that they can provide their response. They are awaiting their moment to get their point across because for the majority of the human race it's Me, Me, Me, I, Me, and Mine. Successful people, however, take the listening tactic. If you ignore the other person, of if you just pretend that you're listening or only hear certain parts of the conversation, you will miss the meaning entirely.

     Here is a powerful quote from Covey in regards to listening: “People listen with the intent to reply not to understand.”

     Many times you're running your own private thoughts through your brain. You are considering what you will say when it’s your turn, and pretty soon you're not even hearing what people are saying to you. The biggest area where I am growing right now is in my response time. I do get excited, and I do want to reply. I'm learning to bite my lip and listen before I reply.

Also, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to increase relationship building at work and get to know the people behind the faces. So listening is a good growth area for me as I continue to improve.

     Over the summer, our administrators had training by the Studer Group on Instructional Rounding. One of the items that was shared was about Employee Engagement Surveys. The information revealed what employees want when they come to work every day:

1. Tools, equipment, and resources to do their job
2.  A leader who cares about them
3.  Help to be successful
4.  A healthy work environment
5.  Recognition when doing good work

     Numbers 2 - 4 and especially Number 2 are really things that Leaders can provide for employees if they take the first and most important step of….. LISTENING.

     If you listen to your employees, you'll know their needs.

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